The Season of Love: What is your Love Language?

This year on 14 February, it is not only the third day of Chinese New Year in Singapore but also Valentine’s Day! Some of us might be out visiting our relatives tomorrow or spending time with our significant other. Whatever the case, it is a day for us to express our affection to our loved ones, family and friends, regardless of whether it is romantic or not.

Speaking of the expression of affection, one of the biggest tests of affection is none other than the Love Language test, a way to assess how we communicate our affection to others. In this article, we learn more about what each love language means and provide tips on how to express them this Valentine's Day!

So what are love languages and how do I express them?

In 1992, Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. He outlined that there were 5 main love languages where partners express and experience love and they are:

• Gift-giving

A visual, concrete representative way of expressing love, gift-giving is what we do most times to show our appreciation and love to someone! Someone who sees gift-giving as their primary love language values the time and effort spent in picking out a gift for him/her. As the saying goes, “It’s the thought that counts.”

Take Action!: This Valentine's Day, why not attempt to make a DIY gift or card for your loved one? Some ideas include making a DIY Photobomb Gift Box which can be easily found on Shoppee! Along with some glitter, cut-out photographs and nice calligraphy, you're set to go with your gift!

• Acts of service

This may be similar to gift-giving but acts of service include all the small little acts that one makes for another person. Things like making coffee for you in the morning, helping you make your bed and picking you up after a long day at school…wait, doesn’t that sound like what your parents would do?

Take Action!: Cook up a big feast and their favourite meal to show that you love them. You can either do it yourself in the comfort of your home with the help of some delish recipes recommended by BBC goodfood or take your loved one out for dinner at an exquisite restaurant (see recommended here).

• Physical Touch

Just like how we loved to be held by our parents when we were babies, people who see physical touch as their love language prefer physical intimacy and touch including holding hands, being kissed and cuddled. It brings a lot of warmth and comfort to them.

Take Action!: Everybody needs a hug sometimes and you never know how much it may mean to them! We know it's not particularly easy this year due to the ongoing pandemic, so you might have to explore other ways of displaying your affection. If you do however decide to hold hands, remember to wash your hands thoroughly after that!

• Quality time

As the name suggests, people who see quality time as their love language means that if you spend more time with them, they will feel loved and cherished. It’s all about the presence!

Take Action!: Amidst our hectic and busy lives, we often say we simply have "no time" to anything. But it is important to always remember to set aside time for your loved ones no matter how busy you are. Ask them out today and have a good catch-up session with them!

• Words of Affirmation

Those who use words of affirmation as their love language value compliments and affirmations of affection, with frequent words of appreciation like “You were great!” or “I love you”. A more verbal communication style is used for this one.

Take Action!: This one’s easy. Tell them you love them. (Or maybe that’s the most difficult of them all…) Maybe you can cheat a little and be like Robert Downey Jr. in this meme, holding an "I love you" written card instead... :P

Not everyone communicates love in the same way and it is important to recognize what love language your loved one speaks. Miscommunication may arise when one does not understand why the other keeps giving gifts or going out of their way to do acts of service that they may not like.

In every relationship, communication is the most important! (and especially so for us CNM students!) Express the love language that your loved one may prefer and communicate what works best between the two of you. When both come to a consensus, you not only improve how you communicate and express yourself with another, you think more of the other person in mind.

Receiving all those red packets is great but showing your love and affection to your family and friends is greater.

If you don’t know what your love language is yet, take the quiz here and find out more about it!

On behalf of the CNM Types family, we wish you a Happy Lunar New Year! :-)