Dear Couples: Stop Recording Your Sex

Photo by Ashutosh Sonwani

“What happens when you break up? Think about it — no one cares about the guy, only the girl. Guys don’t get slut shamed,” said Tom, 23.

“It’s hot. The leaks are always well worth it,” said Johnny, 23. 

“Couples can do whatever they want as long as both sides consent,” said Willy, 24.

I received these answers upon asking my attached friends about couples recording their sex. 

Already, we can see a dilemma. 

Yes, couples should be free to do whatever they want with their bodies. 

Yet, recording sex poses the risk of a vengeful ex-partner using such videos as blackmail. Moreover, with people’s lives now being entwined with technology, couples run the risk of being hacked and having their intimate moments uploaded onto pornography websites.

Love Behind The Screen

But why do couples record themselves fornicating? 

Interestingly, recording sex can boost intimacy and spice things up in the bedroom.

 It can even help with long distance relationships.

“My girlfriend and I recorded before we went long distance,” said Johnny, with a grin. “It’s virtual intimacy.”

For Willy, recording sex was not off the table as well. “If the reasons are right and it’ll be a good time, then I don’t see why not,” he said. “I don’t have strong feelings for or against recording.”

Moreover, recording sex may be attributed to autoeroticism, where one gets pleasure from seeing himself having sex.

Unsurprisingly, vanity sex (sexual activity done for validation and satiation of ego) is not a new thing. For example, the Romans had sex while looking at themselves through mirrors. Today, couples still engage in ‘mirror sex’, or they simply get pleasure from watching their own sex videos. 

Is The Pixel Passion Worth It?

However, it was only Tom who took a more critical and cautious view towards the topic.

“Even if we trust each other, it’s very risky, because we never know what’s going to happen,” said Tom. “It’s a male-centered perspective; it’s always the guy who wants it more. Guys record it because they may need it to wank to. It’s very risky for girls, not guys.”

You might say that Tom is both a prude and a misandrist, but his words do hold some truth. 

Certainly, there are women who want to record themselves having sex, enjoying it so much that they make multiple sex videos with their lovers. 

Still, it must be noted that it is rarely a win-win situation for women when they make such videos with their partners (assuming a heterosexual relationship). When an unfortunate leak occurs online, most of the attention is targeted at them, not their male partners; it is the women who get the brunt of the attacks, particularly being slut-shamed. 

Even worse is that private videos are even being traded like Pokémon cards between Singaporean men on Telegram, according to Tom. He proceeded to explain that there are numerous channels on Telegram dedicated to spreading leaked sex videos and hence causing the unconsenting victims (oftentimes women) to have their privacies violated and their reputations smeared.

Playing It Safe

It must be difficult for a hormonal couple — in a long distance relationship — to go without any form of physical intimacy. Hence, recording a sex video beforehand or engaging in sexting may help to curb lustful cravings. 

Yet, everything can be screenshotted, downloaded, or shared. All it takes is a click of a button, whether done intentionally or not. 

Drawing boundaries is also important if your partner is pressuring you into recording sex. And even if both sides consent, communication should be open as to where the videos are saved and whether the videos should be permanently deleted if a break up occurs.

Obviously, only record such videos with someone you can truly trust as well.

Ultimately, there is nothing inherently wrong with couples recording sex videos, but it is always important to remember the risks involved — after all, how would you feel if a compromising video of you and your partner is suddenly revealed for the world to see?

*All names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.